I remember that day when I first saw Evelyn. She looked so afraid of everything around her, those blue eyes of hers were darting around like a lamb surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves. I had just walked up to the computer to clock in for the night shift in the ER and something caught my eye…there she was staring at me, then scanning the entire room, then back at me. It was a bit creepy. Once I had a couple of conversations with her, I felt so much pain just oozing from her that she took a piece of my heart and she still holds it today. The pain ran much deeper than physical, though that was enormous, the emotional scarring was devastating.
Evelyn was a young woman who was repeatedly beaten badly by her husband. She returned to our ER several more times when I happened to be on duty and each time my heart was touched by her sad and lonely soul. Evelyn lived in fear and had virtually no one to protect her, not even herself. She lived deep in the back roads of Wilmer and it was miles from a neighbor or paved road. She knew she would be returning to that hell on earth when she left our facility, so she claimed she took another bad fall. According to her, she was a klutz beyond any klutz I had ever known before or since. She, “fell out the door” or “fell down the concrete steps outside”, “tripped over the dog”, “turned too fast and hit her head on the cabinet door”…..it seems that falling was a part of her routine.
I only got a quick glimpse of her husband as he dropped her off at the ER door each time and left. Though she told of her latest accident in great detail, everyone at her bedside knew it was not true. The physicians had all tried to council her on the availability of help for women in her situation. I could see that she wanted to reach out for help but she was far too afraid. Survival was what she clung to, the pain had become a part of her.
The first time I saw her, she had a black eye, multiple bruises, and a couple of cracked ribs that made breathing painful and labored. It always hurt me to see her as she ducked her head and stared at the floor in defeat. How can you help someone who does not want help and stubbornly denies your offers of help? Evelyn would not even admit help was needed.
I just wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her, but I knew that would not be appropriate nor effective.
In all I saw her 4 times in the ER, but my co-workers said she came in quite a few more times when I was not on duty. Evelyn abruptly quit coming in; this made us all wonder about her and her safety. One night when things slowed down and we grabbed a cup of coffee, and began to talk; someone brought up her name. We all came to the realization that we had not seen her for several months. We thought perhaps they moved away, or she ran away. Perhaps he killed her and buried her in the yard. All sorts of possible scenarios were bounced back and forth in our conversation. None were a good ending to a bad situation. I hope that Evelyn escaped and is safe and happy somewhere that he can’t find her. Yet my gut tells me that is not the case.
We all face adversities in life, some greater than others. Evelyn was beaten down by a man, she was beaten down by fear and heartbreak and she did not possess the strength to fight, so she chose to do nothing and hope for survival. Oh how I wish I could have convinced her that this was not the best tactic and she deserved so much more from life. Oh how I wish I could have convinced her to FIGHT for her life.
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