Painful to witness.
He hung there lifeless, now all of his troubles seemed to be behind him.
What about his mother, didn’t he know she would be the one to find him like that?
I don’t believe he thought passed his death and into her life without him. He came in one night by ambulance when I was working in the ER of a local hospital. It was years ago and I wonder how his mother is doing today.
The ambulance service called to let us know they were 6 minutes away with a 17 year old male who had attempted to hang himself. Based on the report they had given it did not look like there would be a good outcome.
It seemed more like 3 minutes when the ambulance bay doors flung open and they came rushing in with the gurney while doing CPR. It was just like you see on TV but it was REAL. The young man was very pale and lifeless as they headed to our Code Room with him. I noticed his hair was blonde and wavy as they passed me. I knew from the report that he was only 17, so my heart was pounding with the hope that they could revive him since he had so much living left to do.
Moments later I was notified by our registration desk that this young man’s mother was here. I hurried out to get her and took her to our “grief room” so that she would have some privacy and so that the physician on duty would know where to find her. She was shaking all over and her words were halting as she spoke. She wore a beautiful black dress with a bright yellow jacket. I could tell that she was once beautiful but it looked like the years had not been good to her and of course she had eyes that were very sad and filled with tears.
She wanted to talk and she wanted to know if they were able to revive her only child. I told her I would check to see how it was going and return to her shortly. She nodded as she took a seat.
I walked to the code room and I could see that they had stopped CPR and were determining the exact time of death. As I took in the whole picture, I looked over to the patient and tears began to pour down my cheeks without control. I immediately felt the sheer sadness and loss and then my thoughts went to the mother who was waiting for news as I am sure she hoped for a miracle.
Our physician looked like he had aged years in a matter of minutes as he looked up and asked me where the family was and I told him. He said go tell them I will be there shortly. I walked to the grief room and told her the physician would be with her in a matter of minutes to give her some information.
As he entered the room, our physician took a deep breath. I held her hand and he spoke the words that no mother ever should hear. She sat there ever so long in total silence. I looked up at Dr. B and he looked at me, it felt as though we were in an empty space without sound, without air, completely void of anything in those moments as we waited for her response. Then as we had settled into the total silence she began to scream the most blood curdling scream I have ever heard. As I type this it comes back to me and it feels like it was minutes ago, I have chills as I recall that place and time. I held her and hugged her and tried to comfort her but there was no comfort for times such as this. We let her scream it out and when it fell silent again, I asked was there anyone else I could call (in my mind I was thinking what about his father).
She slid from the chair to her knees and said her husband had died in an accident and his funeral was earlier that day, they had just come home when her son went to his room. She gave him some time to be alone in his grief. He and his dad had always been very close and did everything together, he took it hard. When she went to his room, he was hanging from the light fixture.
I had seen and heard so many things in the years I had been working the ER, but this one tore me up. Even Dr. B who is usually pretty stoic was wiping his tears away when I looked over at him.
From that day on, when I start to think I am having a bad day, I think of this lady and I immediately know I AM NOT HAVING A BAD DAY AT ALL!
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