Shortcomings
I worked for years in two local hospital ERs and I have lots of memories that are vividly etched into my mind from those years. Many of those are some of the saddest, gut wrenching experiences imaginable as I cried with families who lost someone they loved, even though I did not know them, I could feel their pain. On the other end of the spectrum there were funny, hilarious and ridiculous times as well. The ER provides the full range of emotions.
Oddly, this case was sad but also funny and it was an eye-opening experience.
It was an exhausting shift, yet exhilarating as we were seeing a little bit of everything that night. There was blood, guts and gore aplenty which can make a person reach for relief of some kind, any kind.
We had received an ambulance call about a 30 year old man who was coming in who had attempted suicide. These were always sad cases that cause me to think what would make a person want to end their life, especially someone that young who has most of life right there in front of them.
Here he was coming through the doors on the gurney. I saw his huge feet first, one was uncovered as they wheeled him in. This guy was well over six foot tall and his hands and feet were huge. We were so relieved to see that he was in pretty good shape. He had taken pills enough to do the job but called for help immediately after. This had enabled us to take the measures available to prevent any real serious consequences.
Our patient was saved from the jaws of death I am happy to report. Let me tell you the whole story.
Charlie, is an ER nurse that is so funny, he has a huge sense of humor and I loved working with him. Charlie finds humor in everything.
I will NEVER forget that night. It was moments after his arrival and we had all hands on deck holding this patient who was thrashing around incoherently after having taken the pills to end his own life. These experiences are traumatic and serious and that is magnified when you are right there in the situations, touching it, feeling it and hearing it all take place. Well, I was holding this patient’s left leg and Charlie had the right just to maintain some order as his clothes were being cut off and others were trying to get him settled down.
Just as the pants were removed, we could see his private parts, which is not even shocking to us anymore because we had seen everything over the years. Seeing someone's “junk” as they call it today, is no big deal. But it was a real surprise this time. It was almost freakish to see his genitals. It was difficult to know whether he was a male for sure as his penis was extremely small, smaller than that of a 2 year toddler. It was shocking, sad and everyone was silent at this strange sight.
As I stood there, Charlie leaned over and said, “Oh my God, Juanita, I now see why he attempted suicide!” While I know with every inch of my being that was totally inappropriate, it was suddenly so funny, so wrong, so insensitive, so everything wrong; and we all laughed, it was a tension reliever for an odd situation.
It was moments after that when I actually looked closer at the patient’s face and I had another shock, it was my neighbor. That was 8 years ago and I am ashamed to say that even now when I see him at the mailbox or pass his house as I take a walk, ALL my warped mind sees is that sight we saw in the ER. Forgive me but I cannot control my mind when it comes to "seeing" my neighbor.
So many things are clearer to me since that night. His wife has always been a grump; she complains about everything. I will be a lot more tolerant of her complaints in the future. They have no children; this is definitely understandable.
I learned so much from this experience. I always thought a big man especially a big man with big FEET and HANDS, had a big EVERYTHING, if you know what I mean. I now know that is not always true. It makes me question everything I thought I knew to be true.
I have to say that my new view of my neighbors was unclouded, it was now crystal clear why these two were dissatisfied with life and seemed to be so unfulfilled. It has made me a better neighbor, one with great compassion for a very SAD situation.
Since that time when I meet a couple that seems disgruntled I have so much empathy as I wonder, is there some “shortcoming” that has caused this?
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